Sunday, May 30, 2010

I can't be...TAMED

You know something, it's really weird when God uses the "odd-random-small-things" to get my attention.

This month's lesson: Taking care of me! :O
Though I know that it is ok...to do this, I haven't and I put myself last...ALOT and WAY TO OFTEN. So I make plans=get stood up!!! Make more plans=get stood up and recieve dead flowers cry, color and... Make more plans AGAIN= no one comes+warm bubble bath!!! Make new and more plans= and 1 friend shows up...at this point I'm like Lord "Are you freakin' serious?" "What is wrong with me?
"Nothing..." He said


Nothing!!! I was like lets recap... I got stood up... Recieved dead flowers... And have been crying myself to sleep for the last 3 weeks...Was told that "there is to many facets to you, to much for me to deal with at this time..." I was like are you sure, Lord, nothing is wrong with me... Are you sure? And then He laughs at me!
So, as of today, I've come to the conclusions that God has something AMAZING instore for me. And even though TBA is not in focus...((yet)) I have the overwhelming urge to think that this summer is a going to be a RELEASING/FREEING/MONUMENTAL one.


Every since the day of smother-a-tion...((hahahha)) I've been really upset/overwhelemed by the disappointment/embarassement/humilation that I've brought to others. However, Im amazed at how many people think that they know what Gods real intentions are/have been for me. It amazes me that one event could change my life course for a life time and for the better. The Day of Smothering was planned from the beginning of time. God knew that there were/are people that would try to go destory my UN-tame-able spirt... ty to hoon it for their own gain or pleasure...but not remembering that I was/am made for only Ones pleasure... and in order to become that fully...taking care of this temple is a must, because:

"There is spirital-steel being forged in your system that NO man can break...
You are not a mistake...
You are a special one, perfectly designed...
I made you flawless...
I got alot in store for you!"
Un-stoppable, Warrior-Queen, you are.
(May 30, 2010)

Now, don't get me wrong... I have a long way to go, but at the same time, I'm very confident these next 27 days and this summer are going to be VERY INTERESTING, FREEING, EMOTIONAL, and DIRECTIONAL!! Finish hard, especially when youre already exhausted and feel like you had the sh*t kicked out of you, is hard enough... but knowing that these last couple months have been training for what the next steps in my life... AMAZED and very COMFORTED... I am! :D
Release...I welcome you!
Focus... I welcome you!
TBA... I welcome you!
Un-stoppable-Warrior Queen... I welcome you!!


The time of hiding and be force to comform is OVER. There is no holding this one back. And new day is coming!! And to think that people can bearly handle this me... I can't wait to see what God does with me...


Don't worry, if you stand me up... Its ok. Nothing/no one is stopping me from becoming what I am supposed to become... But understand something...
I gonna FLY!! I gonna DRIVE!! I gonna GO!! I want to be a part of SOMETHING I don’t know!! And if you try to hold me back I might EXPLODE!! Baby, by now, you SHOULD know...


I can’t be tamed!


Until next time... <3

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

38 days...and Counting!!!

hahaha...
it's really funny how that works...
Countdowns, I mean...


You get so super excited that something is about to happen or some HUGE event that you've been planning for months is FINALLY here or just an certian event that you know is going to your life is FINALLY COMING... ((hahahahah )) HOWEVER, even thought you are super excited, on tends to shoot themselves in the foot, bc even though you are counting down and wait, you just made time go slower; at some point you may have even stopped it!!! I hate it when that happends.Though change is happening all the time, I never really stop to think about that "stand-still" part...

(until about a week ago, when I had the same conversation 5x, with 5 different people...)


Now usually events like this don't ever happen. I mean having the same convo with the 5 different people, who don't know each other from Adam...and me just being dumbfounded that 1.) These convesations are happening. 2.) I've bottled in emotion, b/c I didn't think that it was "right" for me to feel the things that I have been feeling... 3.) It's been soooo long since I've acknowledge the fact that these gifts, feelings, desires, and dreams; where even there... 4) and DUH, why did it take me so freakin' long? ;)

((This wall that I keep running into, just cracked... I think :] ))


So, with that said... Camp Hollis is in 38 days! My 25th Birthday is in 2 months, 2 weeks and 3 days! Moving Day is 3 months (Lord, willing!) and 1 year, 1 week, and 5 days until TBA is FINALLIZED! There is alot of work to be done, and even though Rome wasn't built in a day... I know I don't have time to waste!!! This next couple of months should be very interesting... :P

((Lets see what God does... :] ))


Until next time...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

50 Days and Counting...

So.... Camp starts in 50 day! Am I ready?!?!?


NOPE!


And thats a first....lol


Clothes for the summer have yet to be decided... Swimsuit has yet to be found... Craft Sets have yet to be finalized and ordered. HAHAHAHA Yeah, things have yet to settle, but I will make it through. :) But until than it's all work and no play...
well maybe a little... ;)

Friday, May 7, 2010

Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

Sorry it has taken a frustrationg time for me to talk to you. Please forgive me.Thank you for praying. I need it. I'm just in a really frusterating time. Nothing seems to be working out. Cars broken, Funds are low. Faith is low...and usually I'm a fighter and I'll pray until something happends...but this time there is no fight...I'm sick and tired of hear the awesome things that God has in store for me... And seeing prophetically, is just a tease! And everytime I feel like there is a relase of grace for me to walk in faith in those things... i walk in to this glass wall... and get knocked down :( The first couple of times i found it funny. And now I'm just pissed!

I'm sick of tears, pain, rejection and betral. I'm so frusterated, and alone... and it sucks!!Idk, where to go from here? And I'm not sure I want to know. I don't want anymore confusing, pain, tears, heartache, betral... I just want to be truely happy. I want to take pictures and have happiness behind each and every smile... and not having to force it...

Friend, I don;t know how to ask you to pray for me...but I'm very thankful that you are willing to do so.


Ps: Did I mention I'm sick of working my ass off... :/