A much need fresh start...

Hello again...

I'm so proud of myself. The gap between blog entrys is less that a week apart. I know I'm awesome. Don't have to tell me twice;) But in all seriousness blogging is such a great way to just down load things and stuff thats on your heart and mind that you don't mind others seeing... And I'm so blessed to do so.

Lately, I've been trying so hard to bounce back and stay ahead. And for a while, I was just going through the motions and just doing the work that was put in front of me. Everyone around my thought that I was happy and doing great, but I know me...and I was the farthest thing from happy. Crying myself to sleep every night, not eating right, lounging around in my pj's all day ((which is not a bad thing, but when it's the same outfit for about a week thats bad...hahaha)) hiding myself away and only facing the world when I had to... Yes, it was just bad! But God stepped in...

I love the "But God" moments in life. I'll never forget that sermon that Cliff Pruitt preached in chapel @ Elim. ((Powerful!!!)) Anyways, as I just laying in bed, attempting to take a nap, I just started to weep. Not tears of sorrow ((for once)) but I was just so thankful. Thankful for life. Thankful for the few friends that I have in my inner circle. Thankful for mom and the many spiritually parents that I do have. And thankful for what has yet to come... and than I saw it... :)

This incredible picture of mighty running water. And as the water flowed new life was formed. A fresh start. One filled with many blessings, many new and exciting victorious things. True freedom from the many things that I have struggled with for years. The silly secret things that I would whisper to God and just hope they were apart of His will...lol Those big dreams... All of it just being knit together. It was a great picture... :)

Now after typing all of that, I really don't know how to end this. But on thing for sure is that I feel like a new woman. Things are turning around for the better. I have a feeling in this next season that alot of tears are going to be redeemed. Things that I have prayed over with great faith, things that seemed to be to little in my eyes, and things that would seem to be "too extreme"...are all going to be come so very real. And it's about time... I mean... it's very exciting to watch, and know that it's only going to drawing me closer to the Lord, and turn me into a greater woman.

Goodness, God is GREAT. :)

Final Decisions :)

Hahahahaha... It's funny that I'm calling this "Final Decisions" since I feel like I change my mind more than the average women. :D But I have finally found the "guts" to take the risks to make my dreams come true. And for once the combination of faith, hope and excitement are indescribable...

So what are these "Final Decisions" you might ask?!?!?!?

1. School
2. Job Change
3. Date for moving

School: I have been back and forth between Community School and transfering to University. (4-5 years altogether) Or go to school online (2 years altogether). Now just with timing along the decision maybe obvious, but I wanted it to be right. I feel like I've wasted enough time, but despite that feeling I wanted it to be right choice. So this Sept 4, 2010; I start my Christian Counseling Degree at Light University. It's based in VA. I would so love to be there, but that a big move that I can't do...yet :) So I'm going online. This allows me to have a job change and back into gear for the next step.

Job Change: This should be no surprise to anyone! I feel like every time something comes around I am changing jobs but being as strong willed and stubborn as I am... I need a lot of tough options before I can make FINALLY figure out the right fit. Anyways, I'm going to be a Camp Counselor @ Camp Hollis this summer and hopefully the following summer. And in the Fall... who really knows.... At this point, I'm praying for a HUGE open door that will allow me to go back to school online and is more than 30+ hours a week... :) I'm hoping/praying for something that more towards the line of counseling but who knows... God, let your will be done ;)

The Big Move: California... HERE I COME!!! Yes, I'm really moving! I'm scared "crap-less", but I'm so ready to start making my dreams come true. :) The open visions and daydreams alike. I see it ahhhhhhhhhhh things are coming together!!! heheheheh I've been waiting for a long time. As of today it's I have:




and I know that when you start counting down things it makes time go slower but I'm really praying that time flys... :)



The funny thing about "Final Decisions" is that they've always been final. God knew even before today that I would be a gitty little girl writing out this blog, getting super excited about the dreams that He has for me. I guess it just took going through many fires for me to realize that I am the right person for these dream. That I can to all things in Him who definately is my strength. And nothing not even our deepest fear can stop us from becoming who we truely are in Christ... Unless we choose to do so... :O

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us . . . And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ---- Quote by Nelson Mandela ----

until next time...

Changes

I have never been one to hate change. Being flexible and just dealing with the different fires that seem to surround me, have been a part of everyday life... Until today:)

Today is an important day for me, and probably will be for the rest of my life. You see until this post things just seem to be "too dysfunctional, disoriented". Yes, with plan and purpose of course, but I've just dealt with it for so long b/c I've feared me own emotions. I've been told for soooo long that "this is God way" or "just trust Him he'll see you through" or "this has just happened to you b/c of the true character that you lack" or all the other non-sense that religious people say to each other without thinking... That I've truly have forgotten what life really was about, and who I was truly living for.

January 10, 2010: I broke my non-church streak. Not that not going to church was wrong. I just felt the need to go. God is always challenging us to be more like Him. Bringing us from glory to glory to glory. To a place that is higher and a blessing to others. Though my "glory to glory" always seem like I'm going into fire after fire... God forever longs for me to be like Him and longs for that deeper relationship with him. Changes are soooo necessary for this life.

As the year 2010 proceeds, I'm hoping and believing for new things, new fires, new direction, new love and new changes. Even though my resolutions are reasonable and have failed at a couple already....hahaha, I'm so looking forward to RIVERS and MUCH FRUIT in this desert that I am in. I'm so blessed to know that this desert will be GREEN, LUSCIOUS PASTURE...and hopeful sooner that I could ever imagin.

Thats all for now. Until next time. :D

It's snowing... ♥

It's December!!! So many things are changing, and FINALLY for the better!!! But it's in the crappy ((for lack of a better word)) times that we learn so much... and that's what it's been like these past to months!!


Between being unemployed for 3 months and surviving on babysitting money, and having to walk everywhere... Going from countless place to countless place looking for a job that would still allow me to babysit the amazing kids that God put into my care... only to be denied countless times... By the time November came I was desperate. But God... had something amazingly special just for me...


As of October 20th: I'm blessed to say that I get to babysit this little monkey. His name is Conner Michael. He is the cutest baby boy that I have ever watched. With him this are crazy, cutting 4 top teeth at once and still having a cute, little trouble making smile on his face, there is NEVER a dull moment with this little monkey. I'm so blessed to watch him. I'm so blessed that I get the privilege to re-kindle the friendship with his mom and dad too. :)



As of November 10th: I went to Open House @ Cayuga Community College, to see if I could find one more excuse for me not to go back to school. And God blew me away. The people there were a little to nice... I was like I think I've landed in the CCC Stepford Wives. It was kinda creepy. But I had a blast. I was talking to one of the Admissions Staff, and she told me that I was already excepted!! All she wanted to know was when I was coming!!! So finally I made up my mind, and needless to say that I will be a freshmen ((again:O)) this coming Fall 2010. God is so good.


As of November 24th: I was blessed with a job. Now those of you who know me, I HATE fast food, but when Pizza Hut called me back I was a little to eager to say yes... Now I don't know if it was out of desperation, but I knew that I was going to get the job. And that's right, I LOVE IT. I am a server ((for now!!)). And what is supposed to take me 1-2 months to learn, has only taken me 2 weeks. My managers are amazed at how fast that I have pick things up. Plus it doesn't help that they kind threw me to the wolves but I learn better that way. ((I think that's why God has had me in this fire for most of my life...hehehe)) I can server 5 tables at once, and keep everyone happy...and yes the little ones still call me... "Miss Brown Lady" but I really don't mind... ;)


And as of yesterday December 5th: I was blessed with a car. Yes, I FINALLY have a car. Now I say finally but God knew what He was doing. The other night I walked home from Pizza Hut and the lady that I used to be prayer partners with ((at the church that I got kicked out of)) was dropping her husband off at the Factory...and she saw me in the parking lot and was like... "Get in!!!" ((even though she is not allowed to talk to me)) Well, as we were in her car she was asking me questions...


B: "Why are you walking?"

Me: I've always walk. I don't have a car and I haven't had good work. I can't make a payment even if I wanted too.

B: Well I have a car that just sitting in my front lawn, that no one will take. Can I bless you with it??

Me: How come no one will take it?!

B: People are selfish and picky. It's a 1996 Dodge Neon. People think that 500 is to much. The only thing that is wrong is that the radiator has a plug in it and the muffler is alittle loud but it did past expectation. All you would have to do it fix the radiator. Everything thing else is new and done. I put 2,500 into that and I don't want to put more money to it...

Me: ((dumbfounded!!))

B: Can I please bless you with this car?

Me: Yes :) Lets me on Saturday!!!

Now I have a car. It's such a blessing. It's black ((like me)) and it's such a blessing not to have to walk anymore. I mean Fulton is harmless, but at night all the weirdos come out... and they have no fear in coming up and saying "hello"!!! I still have to get some money before I get it on the road but that was a great Christmas present!!!

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After all of that is said, I have survived the greatest storm of my life so far. God has used to time to change so MANY things! Perspective, mind-set, some disciplines, change the healing of my shattered heart ((so it would heal properly)) are just some of the few things. He used this time to draw me so unbelievable close to Him, and re-stir up desires that I thought were lost in heartbreak, rejecting and actually listening to the words of condemnation that have been spoken towards me. In this time God made me realize that there is soooo much more to being a Christian than I could possible ever imagine. Yeah I may not understand all of it, and I may not get it right, but it's in our weakness God makes Himself strong... And He is such a patient, gracious and loving, corrective Teacher!!! AHHHHHHHH...

I'm so blessed and the funny thing is: "It's only the beginning..." ~God~

Thank you all of you that have been praying for me, and those that I can call me true friends... Without you in my lives, I don't know if I would have been able to hold it all together. Thanks again for your friendship and love. All of you are amazing... ♥

Changes...

Wow, It's been a while since I've been on here...and alot has changed since than. Currently unemployed and not on unemployment. But despite being jobless, God is still good and He is still in control. And preparing the way for something new and exciting... And even though I can't phathom all that is in His plan... I know, that I know, that I know... That God has nothing but GREAT things in store... <3

Worship Him with all my heart

Worship Him with all my might

Worship God for who He is

Worship God for what has done and has yet to do

Worship Him

Worship Him

Worship God...

Holy crap... It's been awhile and since then alot has changed. Weird how that happends. Growing up, becoming an adult is NOT what you thought it was...thats for sure. This adventure has been a fight but so worth it.

Between quitting my job, becoming a nanny, and going back to school in January!!! All in this process called moving forward, and grabbing hold to what God wants. But for now let me introduce you to my little men...

This is Dante Cain. He is the coolest 5 yr. old that I have ever met. This kid may not have alot of common sense but he has a ton of street smart and he crakes me up!!! I love this little man. He is one great source of comic relief. God is funny :) And next is this little ham...

This is Victavious Abel. He is 7 weeks old. And this is the little one that I got to be in the delievery room for. And he's the coolest ham in the world. A complete and total angel. Even though I smell like barf everytime I watch him...I still enjoy that smiling face.

Awe my life. I love it and living it is hard but so rewarding. As for school, I'm going back!!! Yess that rumor is true. I'm going to Liberty University... for Basic Christian Counseling. And yes, I will get my degree (so Elim won't be a complete waste....hahahaha). I'm so excited. :) But this is my life for now...

Full of life, full of fighting, full of moving forward... AND I LOVE IT <3

Another Year Older....

Holy crap, I made it to 24... and I never thought I would be where I am at. God is so cool, awesome, and good. I cant/don't know how to sum up what God has done in/with my life...which is a huge first to me, because all I do is brag about what God has done. Hahahah However there is a time and season for EVERYTHING... So if you get the urge to ask... I may just laugh. I may cry. I may do both or just hug ya and move on! God is awesome.

But to sum up this past year and the hope that I'm anticapting for this next year of my life... Here are the words to a very powerful song. One of my girl friends from Bible School gave it to me. Be blessed... <3



My Beloved by Kari Jobe

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength

I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love...<3