Wow, what an adventure these past couple of weeks have been!!! Reaching new lows are never exciting for anyone, but that's life you have to go through. Even though my seem to be continuous and ever so lonely...I've decide to learn another lesson, a facet lesson (aka: a lesson that shows the different and multiple side of a subject, that is meant to educate you:but in all reality drive you to a place of vulnerability that is really uncomfortable....and yes, that is a Jalit-definition...) And the word of today is LOVE, facet PURE, GENUINE, UNCONDITIONAL...
Dillon was filled with so much excitement when he say me from the opposite end of the park... Actually a little to much excitement. He was yelling and screaming my name "Ja-weet, Ja-weet is here!!! Hi Jaweet." That smile beaming for ear to ear and watching those little legs go... It was BREATH-TAKING. And even before he hugged my legs he completely wiped out...which made it PRICELESS (but that's besides that point...lol) So much need love in that moment. I really didn't know what to do with it all...Except for squeeze and smile at the little guy.
So I played with Dillon and his sister Mari and his brother Cooper, and 2 other children that his incredible mom/my good friend watches...and even though I couldn't fit in 1/2 the stuff that was there...it was so refreshing to experience an hour of pure fun, pure innocence and experience true, wholesome, unconditional LOVE... And boy was I blessed.
When it was time to go it was super hard to say goodbye... It's not everyday that I experience the mere joy and sooooooooooooo much LOVE. Tears streamed down my face as I turned and I walked away towards the house... The only thing I could say is... "why, Abba?!?!" "Why do we loose that when we grow up?" Why does that can of LOVE come across as confusing, weird, outgoing, awkward, unwanted, mis-understood, over-powering...oooo and did i mention confusing? Yep..." "Why is so easy to hurt each other and so hard to genuinely LOVE someone?" And like always, I felt longing, loving, sympathetic eyes, and mighty arms of comfort just hold me they rest of my way home...
Idk, where I'm headed or have a clue of where I'm going...and for the first time in a VERY long time a new leave of insecurity clouds my vision and judgement. It scary as h**l! (whatever earthly h**l is...) Finding myself in places of rejection and loneliness that I have NEVER experienced before. Finding my pillow more wet then usually because tears seem to be the only way that I can communicate. And that LOVE that I crave and longing for is only in One person... yes I KNOW THIS... But I find myself wishing, longing, hoping, that I could find type of LOVE with skin on, you know people and just limited to children under the age of 4...
I really don't know who to described what I actually learned for this lesson, this facet lesson, but goodness that type of LOVE is so needed, and soooo lacking not just in my life but in the world in general... and to think that I learned this lesson @ the park with to most lovable 2yr old in the world... PRICELESS.
until next time...
