For some of you, that boldness may be a surprise b/c I come across as being happy go lucky. Things seem to be held together. Life is grand. But at the same time, for those of you who are welcomed to sit at my round table (hahahaha) know that I struggle with heavy things. Things that "normal" people don't deal with. Resolving past issues and trying to re-build bridges that only God can fix. Learning that I deserve nothing but the best...and that it's o.k. to demand the best to make itself known.
So I've started to change things...
Relationally: I've been single since May. I've reconnected with 3-5 old girl-friend (which is new for me, since I have trust issues, and have been slapped in the face way to many time). I talked to one of them every single day...and the others I go out of my way to text or call. They do the same for me, since they are 3 busy mommas. And it has been such a blessing living with one of my friends and her family. I'm such a blessed girl. As for the men in my life, we are friends. We hang out in big mixed groups, and we just have a lot of fun...aka: I get picked on... A lot :)
Mentally: I've been trying to just be positive. This past year has been a year of falling over stumbling blocks and breaking them down so I don't trip over them again. In this past year, I've learned that the mind is a POWERFULLY thing. I've always known that... but the light bulb went off... :) ((FINALLY)) I have been training myself to become more aware of the "stuff" that I allow myself to be open to... Like what I listen to, things I watch on T.V/Movies, even what I read, and yes even what I'm going online/how much time I'm online. It's been cool realizing that 1/2 of what is wrong with me I can actually control. It's just been mind-blowing realizing this!
Physically: Hahahaha, yes ladies and gentlemen... I have joined the cult called Zumba and I love it. Um... Usually I don't start working off the winter chub until its warm enough to do things outside. However, due to the fact that I am impatient and I don't want to wait until than. And the fact that I am not happy with the way I feel or the way that my body looks... I've started working out and doing a Bible study called the Lord's Table:A 60 day Spiritual Detox. It's been great.
This is the Today is the first day that I have started the Lord's Table. This is the middle of the first greatest week I've had in over a year... And I'm so glad that God has brought on this challenge. Reminding me that it's ok to take care of me. It's ok to love myself. And lately I'm like... " So... This is what FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made looks like..." Not..."Wow, why in the world did you make this hot mess, Lord?"...hahaha
Spiritually: This is the part when I would insert a novel, but I wont... Hahaha... All I will let you in on is this... I just feel this urgency to get on board with what God is doing and how He is moving. I know He never changes but at the same time there is something EXTREMELY fresh in this wind...for sometime now. And we as God's people better get on board or we are going to miss out on something HUGE.
For me, I'm seeing things that I've wept over (for what feels like forever...) and they are finally going to come together and manifesting. I haven't seen it physically yet, but I know it's coming. :D And I can already hear is... "See, I told you so... I haven't forgotten you!" O man, am I excited or what!!! :D
Well there you have it! Welcome to the middle of Week 1. I'm proud to say that I weigh 189lbs... :P And I'm hoping that by the end of week 9 to be down to at least 165-170lbs. Eating healthy and overall hoping to revamp my wonderfully hectic life style:)
until next time... :D
5 Yes, they shall sing of the ways of the LORD,
For great is the glory of the LORD.
6 Though the LORD is on high,
Yet He regards the lowly;
But the proud He knows from afar.
7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;
You will stretch out Your hand
Against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
8 The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands
— Psalm 138:5-8
6 Though the LORD is on high,
Yet He regards the lowly;
But the proud He knows from afar.
7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;
You will stretch out Your hand
Against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
8 The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands
— Psalm 138:5-8
